were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
