then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
