good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Who put my cat in the fridge?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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