she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
