If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
