I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
