like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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