do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
