Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
