NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
