The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
