Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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