from now on my penis is your penis
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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