if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
