i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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