Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
