i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
