my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
