I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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