thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
