a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
