I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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