There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover