i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
