brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?