Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
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oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid