i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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