My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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