we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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