it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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