he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
