i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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