You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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