so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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