Your face is a jimmy john
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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