What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
His hands were made for my vagina.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
