Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
