you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
