He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
