I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
