Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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