Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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