She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
