Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
