I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
