Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
