Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
