So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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