You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
