I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
