Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
