Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like a drive thru vagina
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have tasted many bathrooms
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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