She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
