Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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