a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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