I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
