my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
