we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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