Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
