She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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