You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
