There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
