I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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