Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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