It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
