I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
