I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
