So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize