Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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