WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
