Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
