Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
