He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
