So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just want nice things and good sex
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
