Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Panties = found
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
