Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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