I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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