When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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