Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
