the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
