my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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