Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
