she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
