But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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