dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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