I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
