My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
