here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
